


Grant Me The Serenity

by beer_good



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Episode: s04e13 Salvage, F/F, Good and Evil, Guilt, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 15:09:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1514942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beer_good/pseuds/beer_good
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things don’t go quite as planned when Faith goes up against the Beast and Angelus, and Cordelia finds herself alone with an unrepentant Slayer out for blood. Luckily, Cordelia knows how to improvise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grant Me The Serenity

This is for **femslash_minis** and **aaronlisa** ’s prompt “Evil!Cordy/Evil!Faith - Faith isn't quite as reformed as everyone thinks, set Season Four ATS, leather” without fluff or any of those two dying.

 **Title:** Grant Me The Serenity  
 **Author:** Beer Good   
 **Fandom:** _Angel_ , AU post "Salvage"  
 **Rating:** PG13  
 **Warning:** Character death  
 **Word count:** ~1000  
 **Summary:** Things don’t go quite as planned when Faith goes up against the Beast and Angelus, and Cordelia finds herself alone with an unrepentant Slayer out for blood. Luckily, Cordelia knows how to improvise.

**Grant Me The Serenity**

It's OK, she tells Faith.

\- -

_"Holy crap," Gunn said as Wes stepped through the doors of the Hyperion. "What happened to her?"_

_Wesley gave the unconscious, bleeding Slayer he was carrying the sort of look one usually reserves for rabid dogs, once they've been caged. "The Beast. Or Angelus. Or both, I suppose."_

_"Is she..."_

_"She's alive. I had to sedate her when she tried to kill me."_

_Fred frowned. "I don't get it. Why would she do that?"_

_"I suppose old habits die hard."_

_When Cordelia asked them to bring Faith to her room, it wasn't a popular suggestion._

_"Are you crazy? You heard what she - "_

_"Yeah. She's too dangerous."_

_"Then what do you suggest we do? Kill her before she wakes up?"_

_"We got a cage downstairs, is all I'm saying."_

_She had to ask again. Firmly. The "we don't give up on people" bit, which probably shouldn't have worked this time, but somehow did anyway. Though they did make her bring the tranq gun._

\- -

Cordelia runs her hand over the old scar on Faith's belly, over a thousand old hurts inside. Even with her new powers she can't heal everything, but maybe that's not what Faith needs.

\- -

_When Faith woke up to find herself in Cordelia's bed, her torn and bloody denim in a pile on the floor and Cordelia dabbing at her face with a damp cloth, there'd been a moment when she almost didn't seem to remember what she'd done. Maybe it took a few seconds to learn how to sneer and act cocky through broken teeth. ("You should see the other guy," she choked.) Or maybe it was simply that Cordelia was harmless._

_"Wesley said you tried to kill him."_

_The mask was on now, despite the obvious pain. "Yeah, well, Wesley's an idiot. You put a Slayer up against a vampire who thinks he's God almighty, shit happens. I mean, I..." She trailed off._

_"You killed him." Cordelia didn't let her answer. "Not Wesley. Angelus."_

_Faith grinned like a cat who just ate an unusually rancid canary. "Hell yeah, I did. So what are you gonna do about it?"_

_Whatever Faith had expected Cordelia to do, it probably wasn't to lean forward and kiss her. Or for them both to be enveloped by a bright light._

\- -

It’s OK, she tells Faith, though not in words. If at first you don’t succeed and so on. Sometimes your plan falls through; so you make a new one.

\- -

_After the glow died down, Faith stared at Cordelia for a second before grabbing her by the throat and shoving her onto the bed. "OK. Who the hell are you?" She ran her tongue over her full set of pearly whites, noticing the sudden lack of pain in every joint, all her bruises gone in an instant. "What the hell are you? What did you do to me?"_

_Cordelia smiled at her. "Cor-De-Li-A, remember? And, uh, you're welcome?"_

_"Like hell. I know stuff's happened while I was away, but nobody changes that much. You wanna give me a good reason not to do to you what I did to your boy?" Her eyes searched Cordelia's for a reaction, for a wound to twist the knife in, some spot screaming _You monster, you killed precious innocent Angel_._

_"Maybe I've changed more than you think." Cordelia calmly looked back, reached up and carressed the side of her face, then coaxed Faith's hand loose from her throat and pulled it downwards, placing it on her belly._

_Faith frowned at her, then got it. "You're shitting me." She ran her hand over the noticeable bump Cordelia had been hiding under her loose clothes, then climbed off her._

_"I get it, Faith." She sat up and looked the younger woman in the eye. "I loved Angel, and once we're out of the woods there'll be time to grieve. But odds are, we weren't getting him back anyway, and right now I have to focus on _us__." _She put one hand on her belly and one, kinda coincidentally, on Faith's ankle. "Whatever was coming for us is still coming, and what matters is what we do from now on. So if you want to do some big guilt trip, let me know and I’ll leave you to it, but if not - "_

_"Guilt trip?" Faith laughed. Well, it could probably have passed for a laugh, at least. "I'm the one who killed him, remember, princess? I'm glad the preachy bastard is dead."_

_"Whatever you say."_

_"Damn right, whatever I say." Faith grabbed her hand, hard, shoving her backwards onto the bed, daring her to drop the act, needing her not to._

\- -

Faith doesn't do hugs. Faith needs to be in charge, needs to be tough. So Cordelia lets her.

It's OK, Cordelia tells her, not in words that would spell out what Faith is running from, but in touch. As she runs her hands through Faith's hair, feels the pulse in her neck throb under her lips, she can see a girl learning there's no such thing as innocence. She can see a scared teenager making up stories about alligators to look hard. She can see a murderer telling herself she can take it back by hiding.

She can see a broken, bleeding woman smash a window to save herself, and then stare in horror as the sunlight consumes Angel and all hope of redemption is lost.

Whatever is left of Cordelia knows how easy it is to take control simply by telling yourself you’re in control. It's the great thing about human conscience: it's so powerful, so terrible, people will feed it anything to save themselves. So she gives Faith what she needs. Lets Faith dig her fingers inside her and find absolution. Pretends not to notice the tears on her cheeks.

Afterwards, Faith’s clothes are still ruined, but there's plenty in Cordelia's closet that doesn't fit her body anymore. Faith picks a pair of black leather pants. Of course she does.

"I'm not sure we can trust the others," Cordelia says to her as she leaves the room.

Faith shrugs, almost smiles at her. "Sucks for them. But we’re five by five."

Alone in her bed, the being that calls itself Cordelia feels a god stirring inside her. She will be here soon. And now, she has herself a Slayer.

 


End file.
